Finding my truth in writing my own voice

By the time I set out to write The Qinali Virus, I had been an out and proud aromantic/ asexual for many years. I debated whether I wanted to write a character who was too much like me. But since there are so few people like me in the books I read, I went for it. People shouldn’t have to choose between a handful of books for representation. There should be so many that people can actually choose their favorite and feel safe to dislike some without derailing the genre.

The Qinali Virus features an aromantic asexual astronomer who learns she has the ability to astral project. Amber grew up in a utopic society, and one of the features is that gender identities are not thrust on young children. People get to choose.

The notion to use gender-neutral pronouns in the story came from a podcast I listened to, where I heard the salutation “Mx.” used for the first time. Mx. is the gender-neutral form of Mr./Mrs./Ms. I am sound oriented. I have seen Mx. used in writing in various queer safe spaces on the internet, but hearing turned it into something real for me. I have a PhD, but being called Doctor Mikles never did anything for me. I know other people feel euphoric about the achievement when they hear it. I’ve read that when some women get married and they hear themselves called Mrs. Husband’s Name, they get euphoric. In my case, Mx. is the salutation that stirs emotion. It makes me happy to hear it spoken out loud. And so I decided all the adults in the story would use it by default. 

It wasn’t until I finished my first draft and started editing that I realized Amber might be agender. There’s a discussion about how people choose pronouns in her world, and she mentions that she wished she’d stayed neutral. Her realization, and the fact that she’s very much a picture of me, helped me realize that I am agender. Over the years, I had started to assume that my lack of attachment to my gender was related to my asexuality, but in the last year, I’ve started being able to acknowledge it as a separate, but important part of my identity. 

While this book was intended to be a stand-alone, I've started percolating ideas for a sequel, and in it, I hope to explore more of Amber's desire to shed her gender.

I must be an alien (an asexual's perspective)

 

I wrote a song!

I didn't know I was ace growing up. All I really understood was that the people on TV who were most like me were not human. They were missing out on the "core of the human experience." But as a sci-fi fan, I was always sort of okay with my alien identity.

I was once doing a twitter Q&A for queer scientists, and I remember saying something about how asexuality defines something I'm not. Sure it's an identity label, but it's a label that has ruled out all other labels in its category. The same with aromantic and agender. It doesn't describe something I feel, but rather the absence of a feeling that seems pervasive in others.

I can honestly say that it was only in the past few years, when I started to embrace nerdy music about fandom, anxiety, cats, dinosaurs, and soda addiction that I started to realize that I share so much more of the human experience than my childhood led me to believe. I can be human. (I'm working on a song about that, too, but music is not my main writing.)

So in the last verse of this song, I talk about all that I am and what defines me as a human being. And if all that isn't enough, then I want to be an alien. So take a listen!

SALE - Trade Circle is on sale for $0.99

 

As we're leading up to asexual awareness week, I'm having a sale on my books featuring asexual characters. I wrote in a previous post how writing this book helped me understand my identity. I was so thrilled that one of my reviewers loved the ace character in this book. I hope you love it, too!

Discovering my queer identity: I wrote aces before I knew the word...

Before I ever took on the label of asexual, I drafted a book called “Trade Circle.” I wrote about a girl whose childhood friend had fallen in love with her, but she didn’t feel that way about him. She had never even thought of him in that way, and she tells him so. When my editor read that line, he asked me “why would she lie.” From his perspective, of course she’d thought of him that way. Of course, she must have considered it. Fortunately, in the time between the draft and the publication, I learned about asexuality, and I could put a name to my character's truth. She wasn't lying. It hadn't occurred to her any more than it had occurred to me. In the final draft of the book, I use the label, so that there is no doubt.

Another example… before I got knee deep into my novel writing, I was writing lots of fanfic. Mostly Firefly, but I have Chuck, Torchwood, Big Bang Theory, and a few others… Not all of it is G-rated, because after writing a few episode-esque Firefly novellas, I learned that adding romance got me more attention and comments. As I had no real experience, I was going mostly on things I could research or learn from other people's writing. (My experience with college boys started making a lot more sense once I learned what non-aces fantasize about.)

Anyway, in the Big Bang Theory, Sheldon made it very clear in the early episodes that he wasn’t interested in relationships. When he finally met up with Amy, it became clear that he was not interested in a physical relationship. It really bothered me (1) that Amy flipped the script and suddenly wanted more from him, and (2) that she kept pressuring him to be physical when he made it clear he didn’t want to. I was very happy when they broke up, because it became clear they were incompatible in this manner. And it made me sad, so I wrote, because I thought she needed to listen and respect him. I didn’t realize I’d head-cannoned him as being like me—being asexual. I’m sad the writers decided not to go that way.

It kind of struck me how important it is to address identity (even lack of identity) in a clear way. People can make their own head canons and deny what you wrote. (Fan pairings in fanfic is enough to prove that.) For me, calling a character asexual isn’t just about identifying what they feel, but in confirming 100% to readers like me that what they feel is real and valid, and they are in fact seeing themselves.

Guess What? I'm Asexual!

 Asexual Awareness Week is coming soon! Why do I care? Well, because I am asexual. I do not experience sexual attraction. I’m also aromantic, meaning I don’t experience romantic attraction. I discovered these labels when I was 32, and was so relieved that I wrote a story about it. A screenplay, actually. 

You can check out my comedic web series “Aces” about a group of asexual friends surviving in a hyper-sexual world. Check out the whole channel. “Aced It: Human Studies” is one of my favorites. I have a few more scripts in the queue, and I’d love to make more as soon as we’re out of quarantine and can safely gather in groups again.

I started with the screenplay, because realizing you’re asexual can be very isolating. As a novelist, even if I filled my novel with asexual characters, I didn’t think I’d capture the feeling of community in the same way. When I made my films, everyone working there was asexual, knew about asexuality, or learned about asexuality. (The learning was awesome.)

Here it is: Human Studies!

Watch a government fall! (No, not ours.)

 

Tray wanted to stay with his son…

 

… his crime-boss father-in-law had other plans.

 

Tray hated spaceships and micro-gravity, but he loved Saskia, and not just because she was a weapons expert and protector. She would have made a good step-mother, and he a good father, if they hadn’t been taken hostage on their 400-year old cargo ship.

 

Sikorsky wanted power.

 

Despite his money and his teleportation power, he had no army, and he barely had a plan. But a storm was brewing on Terrana, and Sikorsky planned to seize control. If Tray didn’t help, his family would disappear.

 

One plan was for mutiny…

 

… one for a government coup.

 

It was time to fight back.

 

You will love this sci-fi adventure, because even when the walls come down around you, your family will be there.

 

Get it now!

Self-Employee of the Month!

 I hate headshots. I know some authors like to put them on their book covers (or in their books). I know some readers like to see them. I think it's the weirdest thing. Humans are an inscrutable race. Nevertheless, every now and then I set up the green screen and the lights, I put on makeup and think about which shirt I wouldn't mind seeing the collar one in a photo, and I take a ton of pictures.

These are some that did not get selected for professional use. Now, I get to use them for entertainment purposes.

And calling back to my previous post about the many hats of a self-publisher, every one of these employees works in a different department, and they are all deserving of an award.

The awards are as follows:

• January - Valerie the Ad Content Writer, for composition and editing of book blurbs
• February - Valerie the Tax Accountant, for completion of business taxes
• March - Valerie the Market Researcher, for blog promotion reconnaissance 
• April - Valerie the Publicist, for her amazing efforts in hosting an online book launch
• May - Valerie in Human Resources, for negotiating a contract with editing services
• June - Valerie the Novelist, for great efforts in writing alien stories
• July - Valerie the Cover Designer, for tireless efforts in designing seven book covers
• August - Valerie in Advertising, for creating promos that doubled our previous month's page reads
• September - Valerie in Layout Editing, for efforts in preparing Book 7 for publication

Seriously, indie authors. Congratulate yourself for the volume and variety of work you do. Celebrate a little bit. I can't wait to see what other awards I get this year!

This dose of happiness was inspired by the Beardo "Self Employee of the Month" comic book. If you need a slice of life comic, check him out!